We Could Learn a Lot About Sex From the Dutch
When my Dutch relative shared her views on sex and relationships, I was stunned. Her candidness and openness felt like a cultural earthquake compared to the more reserved, hush-hush approach I grew up with. But as I listened, I realized she was right. The Dutch approach to sex education and relationships isn’t just refreshing; it’s a model the rest of the world could learn from.
Here’s why.
1. The Openness Starts Early
In the Netherlands, sex education isn’t an awkward, one-time conversation crammed into an hour-long high school class. It begins early and evolves with age. From kindergarten, children are taught about their bodies, boundaries, and respect in ways that are age-appropriate and empowering. By the time they’re teenagers, discussions about contraception, consent, and emotional intimacy are as normal as talking about career goals or weekend plans.
My relative shared how her children openly discuss relationships at the dinner table. “It’s just life,” she said with a shrug. In contrast, I remembered how any mention of the word “sex” growing up was met with uncomfortable silence or awkward jokes. The Dutch normalize these conversations, which helps their kids grow up informed and confident.
2. Consent and Communication Are Central
One of the most eye-opening things she explained was the Dutch emphasis on mutual respect and communication in relationships. Teenagers are encouraged to think critically about what they want, how to set boundaries, and how to respect their partner's limits.
In the U.S. or many other countries, sex education often focuses on fear—pregnancy, STDs, or moral consequences. The Dutch flip the script by focusing on trust, consent, and pleasure within a healthy relationship. “We teach our children that sex is about connection, not just physical acts,” my relative said. “If they understand that, they’ll make better decisions.”
3. The Stigma-Free Zone
What struck me most was the lack of shame surrounding the topic. Dutch parents and educators don’t weaponize guilt or embarrassment. Instead, they approach the subject matter-of-factly. Want birth control? No problem—there are resources to ensure safe choices. LGBTQ+? No judgment—sexual orientation is discussed with the same neutrality as eye color.
This open attitude creates an environment where teenagers feel safe asking questions and seeking help. Contrast that with cultures where sex is taboo, often driving young people to seek answers online or from peers, with mixed results.
4. The Results Speak for Themselves
The Netherlands has some of the lowest teen pregnancy rates in the world and relatively low rates of STDs. Dutch teens also tend to wait longer before becoming sexually active and report higher levels of satisfaction in their first experiences compared to peers in countries with more restrictive approaches. This isn’t magic—it’s the result of treating young people as capable of handling information and making informed choices.
5. What Can We Learn?
As I reflected on my relative’s perspective, I realized how much of our own discomfort around sex is rooted in cultural baggage. In many countries, sex is treated as something shameful, to be hidden away or ignored. This leaves young people unprepared to navigate one of the most intimate and consequential aspects of their lives.
The Dutch show us a different way: one where open communication, respect, and education replace shame and fear. Imagine a world where young people feel empowered to make safe, informed, and respectful decisions. It’s not an impossible dream—it’s the reality in the Netherlands.
A Personal Takeaway
My conversation with my Dutch relative didn’t just challenge my beliefs; it made me reconsider how I want to approach these conversations in my own life. Whether we’re parents, teachers, or just adults in a society that influences young people, we have the power to make a difference.
It starts with breaking the silence, discarding the stigma, and embracing openness. If the Dutch can do it, so can we.
Maybe it’s time we stop blushing and start talking.