A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet.
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His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.
Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.
"How come you are sweating?" he asks.
The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"
As soon as the newlyweds returned from their honeymoon, the young bride called her mother who lived a couple of hours away.
"How did everything go?" her mom asked.
"Oh, mother," she began, "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time. But, mother, on our way back, Andy started using really horrible language.
Stuff I'd never heard before. Really terrible four-letter words. You've got to come get me and take me home.
Please, Mother!" the new bride sobbed over the telephone.
"But, honey," the mother countered, "What four-letter words?"
"I can't tell you, mother, they're too awful! Come get me, please!"
"Darling, you must tell me what has gotten you so upset.... Tell mother what four-letter words he used."
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Words like dust, wash, iron, cook."
A blonde girl excitedly arrives home from school.
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“Mommy Mommy, all the other kids can only count to 4, but I counted all the way to 10! Is it because I'm blonde Mommy?”
“Yes dear, it’s because you’re blonde.”
The girl returns home the following day even more ecstatic.
“Mommy mommy! When we dressed for gym class, all the other girls had flat chests, but I had these!” She says pulling her shirt off. “Is it because I'm blonde?”
“No dear, it’s because you’re 24.”
Joke 02
The wife got out of the bath & said with a wink "I've just shaved my fanny you know what that means?"
Yes I replied the plughole is blocked….
Joke 03
A man boards a flight..
A man boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He swallows hard and replies, "Tonto...Tonto Kowalski."