A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale

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Joke 01.

 A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale...

...sucking in his stomach. “Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Joke 02

A guy at work showed me a picture of his new girlfriend and asked “Isn’t she beautiful?”

I said, “If you think *she* is pretty, you should see my wife!”

The guy says, “Why?  Is she super hot?”

I said, “No, she’s an optometrist”.

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After telling my mother that I was slèeping with our landlord. I thought my mother was going to be mad at me, but to my surprise she didn’t.

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